On Confidence

(OK, I have some thoughts rolling around in my head, and I'm going to try to get them down here. However, I may end up with a divergence or two, since that's the way my brain works. I'll try to avoid ending up with the Tristram Shandy of blog posts, but this could be a cock and bull story by the end.)

Most athletes at the age-group level, whether they'll admit it or not, are competitive. Some are competitive with others, those who compete for the overalls, or amongst a group of club members. Some are competitive only against themselves, wanting each performance to be a PR or "seasonal best". Either of these are fine forces of motivation. They are the driving forces.

They drive the athlete through race day: noticing they're ahead of PR pace with only two miles to go, passing the guy in the blue shirt who beat you last month. This drive is what gets us to the finish line for our best performances. Even more importantly, though, it's what drives us through all of the training. Every mile in the shoes, every hour on the bike is rooted in this competitive desire. The sacrifices are made so the training gets done.

All of miles in training serve two purposes. First, they prepare the athlete physically to accomplish the task that's set out. A second, and perhaps as important, purpose of the training is that it builds confidence that the job will get done on race day. Every workout that goes well is a message from the body that, yes, we'll be ready to go. An athlete who toes the line after months of good work, who has faith in their program, will not be nervous, worried about what might happen, but instead will be anxious, excited to see the result fall into place. A win or PR isn't in doubt, it will feel almost pre-ordained. Knowing you have the kick, or the tenacity to finish a hard effort, is as important as actually having it.

Unfortunately, there are sometimes setbacks in training. One of the worst situations is when the setback occurs shortly before the event. After months of positive reinforcement, and a steadfast belief that the day would go perfectly, a series of sub-optimal or missed workouts, due to illness or injury, will leave the athlete with nagging doubts. "Have I lost anything? How much have I lost? How will I know, and should I change my strategy?" It's a test of the athlete's mental skills to continue to have faith that if they can get to the start healthy, then everything will be as it should.

Months have been spent preparing the body. It's ready. Months have also been spent banking reserves of confidence. This last-minute setback seems like a giant withdrawal from those reserves. But the supply hasn't been depleted. It's during a time like this when an appraisal is in order. Take stock of all the work that's been done. Use those memories to replenish the bank. Go over the workout logs, see the successes, maintain the plan.

For my first-person account, this is exactly what's happened to me in the last week. Ten days out from an event I've planned for a year, and prepared 5 months specifically for, I caught a flu bug, followed by a slight cold. The flu forced a cancellation of two workouts, and the ones that followed were a little worse than sub-optimal. The first run, at a pace two minutes per mile slower than projected marathon speed, spiked my heart rate into race effort ranges. When I saw this, I was shattered. I'm not too proud to admit that I was in danger of tearing up on the treadmill. All that work was seemingly gone. I was back to levels worse than when I started. So I did as I recommended above.

I went over this blog to note the victories and breakthroughs. I know the effects of illness on training, so I reminded myself that the effect is temporary. I know my body will be ready, if I can get it healthy again, so that became the focus. If runs were cut short, or a bit slower, that's OK. I'll get to the line healthy. Would I like a big piece of cake and greasy food? Yes, but I'll take a thin slice and clean food instead. I'll get to the line healthy.

Are there still doubts and concerns? Of course, but I can't let them consume me. I've spent a long time, setting myself up for a set of time goals for this weekend. With the lingering illness and shaken confidence, it might make sense to scale them back. But I won't. I will set out each day with those targets in mind. I would rather flame out trying to meet what I've prepared for than willingly sacrifice the chance. This is my shot. I won't be doing this race again, at least not for a long time, so I have to take the shot.

And I have the confidence that my shot will be on target.

On an unrelated note, here's the song that's carried me through two marathons, a handful of other races, and countless training runs.